oooooh money, money, money.

i have always been of the assumption that if i had oodles of money, i'd be a super parent/person. 

somehow this additional money would grant me more motivation to do the things i wanted to do.
 i would get up every morning to work out because all of that money would invigorate me and i would therefore need less sleep.
i would make sure i was showered and entirely put together (if i had the money to pay for fancy products for sure i'd want to use them every morning and spend an extra hour of time i could have spent sleeping applying make-up and forcing my hair to do unnatural things) before waking my children up at an early hour (7 sounds about right).
i would make my kids a healthy breakfast of eggs, wheat toast, bran muffins, fresh squeezed orange juice (we'd have a juicer i'm sure).
they would play games while i cleaned up the breakfast dishes, loaded the dishwasher and maybe perused the newspaper?
actually, i'd probably also develop a strict devotional regimen and spend time while my children were playing nicely (they'd have such educational and entertaining toys, and be so well-behaved with that added weight in our pocketbooks) getting deeper into the Word.
we'd be on time to preschool--i'd give us plenty of time to put on coats, mess around with shoes, etc. because our additional cash flow also gave me uncanny time management skills. i mean let's be honest the day would flow from there. do you catch my drift? i have had dreams and hopes of one day being rich and being able to be the person i wanted to be.


what a giant pile of steaming bullshit. 

seriously, kate?
you thought money would solve these problems?
anything to take the blame off of yourself, right?
because when you hit the snooze seven times in the morning only to hop out of bed minutes before your additional charge (the day care boy) shows up, clearly the lack of motivation was due to financial distress and not, say, staying up too late the night before.
you don't work out in the mornings because you are still mourning the loss of your y membership, and are convinced that working out at home just won't reap the same benefits (nevermind that all you ever used of the y's equipment was a treadmill).
you don't make your kids a giant health-food filled breakfast because you're just too damn lazy most of the time and let's be honest if they enjoy frosted mini-wheats and cheerios and chex--why waste your time and energy concocting something that (face it) you don't even necessarily want to eat for breakfast? having a giant kitchen filled with shiny appliances isn't going to make your desire to slave over the stove early in the morning any more real.
no amount of money on the planet could make your children behave like angels 24/7--and so therefore quiet time in the morning "while your children played" was a total fabrication of dreamland. maybe after you wiped up the spilled juice, cleaned eggs off the chair,, swept up the bread crumbs and made sure every last sippy cup was in the fridge to avoid rotten milk--maybe (just MAYBE) you'd be able to high-tail it to their bedroom to prevent the next basket of diapers from being overturned.
and let's not pretend that the added money would give you any more motivation to sit down and read the bible--now that we've shattered the idea that more money = more time/energy, i doubt you'd be picking your "alone" moments to spend with God any more than you are now.  you'd still want your "me" time which apparently involves random strangers' faux pas via facebook/autocorrect/etc or the cast of characters from any number of prime time television programs (generously provided online now, thank youuuu internet).
additional wealth is not going to turn you into a saintly constant-prayer-and-devotion type of person.
money, albeit handy, is also not going to grant you the time-management skills you so greatly lack--as evidenced by the woman who drives up in her shiny mercedes suv five minutes late to preschool every day (thank you, reality check).
you will always be late until YOU decide to make the change.



so i'm going to work on these things sans the extra money--but if you feel the need to share your burden of wealth, please feel free to contact me asap.